are you freakin kiddin me?

lets just back up for a moment....on Saturday, July 28th, johnny suggests that we go to downtown san rafael for a starbucks and a walk. we drive downtown, park in a public garage, put the baby in her pram, hide all of the junk that i dont want to bring with me, and set out for a nice walk. at about 11:30am my caffine buzz is wearing off so we head back to the garage.
HELLO!!!!! the front passenger window of my suv (that i have only had since feruary BTW) has been broken I FLIPPED OUT!!! now lets jut put this flip out in proper perspective. i have been a singe mother my entire adult life, crisis hits with my husband of 15 months by my side, and i lost like, lost in a way that made up for having to be strong all of those years.
when i finally calmed down i started to think about the jackpot the theives hit when they choose my car. now truth be told they were after the ipod that i left in clear view, but they also got; my camera, sisters super expensive purse, wallet, make-up, tiffany "a" necklace, kate spade diaper bag (with some very cute outfits), the only pullover that fits me right now and even the paperback i was reading...the list goes on, but the really scary thing is that they got my keyring. i am parinoid so we changed the locks at home and after the window was fixed we decided to keep the car in the garage.
this past sunday morning (a month later), we let our guard down, we left the jeep in the driveway and went for a walk with the baby, went to starbucks, read the paper, a very nice morning. wrong!!! a very bad morning indeed, aparently the thieves have been stalking us, got home, you guessed it, the car was stolen from our driveway.....

milestone

the first smiles (not the gas ones), first cooes, first giggles are so much fun! every baby does thease things, i know this because my son is fourteen and i remeber very clearly the amazement that takes over when such milestones occur, never the less, it is really hard not to shout each new thing to random strangers at the market; so here i shout....rory rolled over today in her crib, it was only half way, not even a full flip, but from my excitement you can be assured the my entire neighborhood thinks she will be doing perfeft "10" mary lou retton vaults in time for the coming olympics in china. we are very proud:)

a sickness

let me set this up for you...
i started my day at about 6:15am, in a very relaxed manor, plucked my adorable baby from her crib, changed her diaper (and soiled clothes), gurgled and cooed a bit, fed her, ate my own breakfast, took a shower, got dressed, and then, because I knew i had a productive day in front of me, allowed myself some relaxation.....bad move. see, the productive part of my day was to take my son into san francisco to help with clean up day at his new school. we arrived at Metro just before noon. well, aparantly i read the email wrong, clean up help was needed UNTL noon...if i didnt feel like a HUGE jackass@#$%#$^%@%$#^!!
After realizing that i not only cant spell, but cant read either, Kyle and I decided to go to the crooked street, lombard, since he had never been there, another lame idea due to the fact that it's saturday and jammed with tourists. after getting back over the bridge we went home, johnny and rory were napping and i slumpped into a chair and did the same...very unusual for me.
i awoke to a familiar swirl of guilt coursing through my belly, as i grew more frantic i tried to figure out how to salvage what was left of the afternoon; cant help kyle clean his room because he has a friend over so i proceed to do some laundry for rory, go to the store to pick up a RX. by the time we got there i am sure that johnny regretted going with me has i have morphed into a sharped tounghed beast. "what is wrong ?", he innocently asks. WHAT IS WRONG? is it not obvious? i have wasted the entire day!!! great, i have now reminded him that i am insane, as if relaxing is a federal crime.
and for the record, its a family disease, both of my sisters have this very same sickness.

where does the time go?

i went to see my grandmother today, she is dying before my very eyes.
when i went to see her last week i had almost convinced myself that the doctors were mistaken; she was sitting in her chair as always, clean hair, new housecoat, telling stories about my dad and his siblings as children. I love all of the stories; it's like she goes back to that time, and good or bad, you almost feel like you were there too. the house is like a time capsule for me, memories of sitting at the "kids" table on Christmas morning eating her creamed eggs (a personal favorite of mine), the wooden door knocker chime thingy, the plush multi-colored carpet that never seems to age, the stairs that lead to the "spooky" attic (i think i braved it on just two occasions), the buffet that always had candy or nuts on it when i was a child and of course the ever growing collages that house he ever growing family, sadly, my three month old baby girl will probably never make her way to one of her walls.

making changes

the book i am reading (in an effort to get healthy) is by bob greene, and for all of you who saw him on oprah and wondered if it is worth the purchase, i respond with a resounding... YES!
i really thought it ws going to be more of the same bits we all already know, but out of desperation, decided to give it a look; i was pleasantly surprised. this book does talk about all of the usual basics of weight loss, but makes you understand it in a way that taking action (beyond just reading) seems incredibly basic, if not automatic.
truth be told, my preferred method of wieght loss is food depravation. i am a the girl that loses weight, not by portion control, but by severe rashioning...and it works, but lets face it, its really bad for you. i have always known that my methods were unhealthy, i just figured as long as it worked, that was all that mattered. well, something has changed....i am getting older. i know, this was shocking to me as well.
having had my first child at age 22, and second little darling this past spring at age 36, made me all too aware that i am not only an adult, but aparently have been for a while. I AM TIRED!!!
mr greene has heped me to open my eyes a bit wider, so today i bought a pedometer (and was surprised at how active i already am), got myself some multi-vitamines (because i am still breatfeding my baby, the pharmacist recommended i take a pre-natal, you should ave seen johnny's face when he spotted the bottle, guess he's tired too!)

green reasoning

why green?
green has always been my favorite color. green is all that is fresh and new. green is the color of the fields and hillsides in the spring after plenty of rain, green is the root color of fruits and vegtables. green is the color of christmas trees and a welcome glow after a long wait in traffic, it's the color of my husbands eyes and the start of something new. and green is the color of my second favorite holiday (st. paddy's). green is the color of the new book that i am reading as well as the arthur's last name (add an e at the end). green=good.

not what i signed up for

the baby is almost four months old and in light of my still remaining prenancy lbs, i continue to hear this patronizing consolation.....but you just had a baby, it takes a while to get back to your old self. HA! what is a while? when does this excuse expire? each day seems to be a little bit less socially acceptable. so hear is the plan....again; stap on the "athletic" shoes, put the baby in her rediculously expensive pram and move my wide ass!
i vowed not to buy any clothes for my current size but wearing maternaty clothes much longer might just push me right over the edge! so i hit the good 'ole outlet mall today to find something cheep and in my size, bad plan, as it turns out my size is currently 16!!!!!! oh yea, let's just qualify this but the fact that my size a year ago was 6-8.
guess it egg whites for breakfast...i will keep you posted.